Hmm, lets start at the beginning (always a good place, I find).

Last night I got a text message telling me today’s group meeting had been moved from 8.30 to 11. I let out a small ‘yippee’ at this news, but decided I should probably still get up a little bit early and get some study in.

This morning my alarm went off at 8.30. I pressed snooze. Then it went off at 8.39. I pressed snooze again. Then the cat came in and started digging its claws into my neck and dribbling on me. I pulled my head under my blanket. Then the alarm went off at 8.48. I re-set it for 9.30. Then the cat tunnelled under my blanket (yes, he has now adopted this method of torture as well) and continued stabbing and dribbling on me. Then at 10.00 I had the sudden realisation that it takes me a full hour to get to school from leaving the house… at the exact same moment that the dogs started going mental barking at something outside.

My auntie and uncle had arrived (unannounced and uninvited) to fix the taps. Thus completely shattering my usual routine of getting ready in 30 seconds and running out the door with back-to-front and inside-out clothes. They wanted to know how I was, they wanted to know why I wasn’t at school yet, they wanted to know which taps were being stupid (did I ever mention that the bathroom tap has started the same intermittent spurting of water too?), they wanted to know where the electricity box thing is, they wanted to know where the extra washers are (yes, I guess it was the washers), they wanted to know what I was doing today and they wanted to know why I was acting erratic. I don’t know why they ask me these things because I didn’t even know where the toilet paper was. (Did I tell that story? I ran out of toilet paper last week and searched the entire house top to bottom and could not find where my dad could possibly be keeping the toilet paper so I went out and bought some [which was a challenge in itself, trying to find an acceptable balance between quality and price] and then stopped by mum’s house on the way home to collect some mail, only to have my auntie and uncle exclaim that they had seen masses and masses of toilet paper [did I ever mention that my dad is an obsessive compulsive bulk buyer?] on top of the oven, and had thought to themselves what a strange location that was.)

Yeah anyway, so eventually I made it out of the house. In the car park I encountered my daily “needing to help an old person understand the train station” situation; there were two old people stressing over the fact that the ticket machine wasn’t giving them a ticket. I took their ticket out of the ticket dispensing hole and gave it to them. They were eternally grateful and changed their wills to leave everything to me.

On the train I decided it would be a good time to read the “Rectal Examination of the Genital Tract of the Cow” hand out. Turns out it was not such a great idea on public transport, because it was freaking hilarious. Eg:

• “With your fingers and thumb forming a cone, gently penetrate the anal sphincter. Make sure you look where you are inserting your hand and that you can tell the difference between the rectum and the vulva. Inserting your hand into the incorrect orifice is a mistake that your classmates will not let you easily forget.”
• ­“The presence of your hand in the rectum, and/or repeatedly inserting and withdrawing your hand may allow air to enter the rectum, causing it to balloon, making it impossible to palpate. If the rectum is ballooned, it is often best to withdraw you hand and give the cow the chance to expel the air and a splattering of faeces onto you before proceeding. If this is not successful, seek assistance from the demonstrator. “

Upon arrival at school I rushed to the group meeting I was like half an hour late to, to find that one of my group mates had brought her super cute shiba inu (but with the super ridiculous name of “Cutie”), awwww. I’ll never understand why literally no one (except me) is capable of comprehending that if a group of six is told to do a 10 minute presentation, that there is absolutely no point in writing 40 slides and 8 minutes of speaking each. Because every single other member of the group did this, as usually happens. They can’t seem to understand that 1-2 minutes on a topic is really seriously just enough to summarize the Wikipedia entry and website-that-explains-it-to-pet-owners. So I just sat there, playing with Cutie, while people were desperately trying to cut out pointless information, seeing as my part was 1:50 minutes and perfectly sculpted. Until I had the sudden realisation that I had the Kooks-January-2009-Australian-Tour-Poster Ebay auction that was ending today, that I had not yet given my maximum bid for. So I left Cutie (and my group mates) and ran to a computer lab and managed to scrape in the winning bid with SECONDS to spare. $16-that-I-can’t-afford, and I’ve got the Kooks poster I desperately wanted more than words could possibly express.

Okay, okay, so here comes the bit you’ve been waiting nervously on the edge of your seat for. Rectal palpation time! Actually, it’s pretty impossible to explain. Ideally, I would just post a picture of me shoulder deep in cow arse (those pictures really ARE worth a thousand words) … but I obviously can’t do that.
So I’ll explain the process (pretty self explanatory);

1. Put on massive glove. Attempt to cover as much of shoulder as possible.
2. Cover glove in industrially bottled cow-lubricant. (If no cow lubricant is available, or you are lazy/crazy, use “natural lubricant”, aka: cow shit off the ground. … Not normal behaviour, only exhibited by weird demonstrator guys)
3. Thrust entire arm into cow rectum, regardless of cow’s displeasure.
4. Think “OMFG, my arm is in a cow’s arse. My arm is completely surrounded by warm liquid cow shit, and a cow is attempting to shit my arm out, and it kind of hurts how strong it’s arse muscles/contractions are, but I sure am glad that I have long arms, unlike my super short friend over there who’s entire body is now covered in shit and is getting a face full of cow bum.”
5. Pose for photos.
6. Be unable to get over the “omg, it’s a cow bum” thing for the first two cows, and feel nothing but “um … I dunno, it just feels like lots of shit”.
7. Laugh your own arse off and take more photos after your friend accidentally touches your other friend’s bare arm with their shit covered gloved arm.
8. Have a demonstrator stand there while you have your arm inside cow #3, and be forced to try and figure out what is beyond the shit. Actually be able to feel the uterine horns inside the pelvis, and thus be able to tell that cow #3 is non-pregnant *pbs*
9. Be able to really clearly feel fremitus (a sign of pregnancy) in cow #4, get really excited, have demonstrator explain where possible fetus would be. Feel actual 30cm long fetus!!! Still be a little bit jealous of that group next to you who’s fetus was kicking them.
10. Leave. Get out of your overalls outside of your friend’s car. Have your friend notice that they still have your other friend who started walking home’s mobile. Quickly chuck your crap in the car and drive off to catch them. Leave expensive camera that your life depends on in car park. Make sure you do this on a day that it rains torrentially for the rest of the afternoon, evening and possibly night.

I started thinking about how I might have left my camera behind while I was on the bus, because I had put my overalls and boots in the car loosely, and pulled them and my bag out at the bus stop when my friend dropped me off. But normally I would keep my camera out and put it in my bag last after my boots and overalls so I don’t crush it when trying to force my boots into a bag that is too small to fit them, and I wouldn’t have left it in my overalls pocket because I wouldn’t have wanted to trap it with the poo smell in that pocket of my bag. So then where was my camera? It should have been separate to the boots/overalls and bag … but I only took boots/overalls and bag out of the car. But then I forgot about it for a bit when I had to run to get the train, and then there was someone I knew on the train, so I had to explain my day in detail. I couldn’t fully empty and inspect my bag until I got to my car (because I wouldn’t be so cruel as to inflict that smell on innocent commuters), and by the time I did, I realised, horror struck, that I did not in fact have my camera. So I messaged my friend with the car, who lives on campus, to ask her to check for it in her car, and she said it wasn’t there, then I asked if she could please go and look in the car park because it looked like it would rain, and she said she really wanted to nap instead.

So I was PRETTY freaked out by the time I got home (after stopping to buy adorable mini straightener), and was panicking about how I simply can NOT afford a new camera, and about how fucking expensive my camera was, and about how I am totally slack and never actually put my photos onto my computer for safe keeping, and about how- OMG! PACKAGE FROM PETRA! PACKAGE FROM PETRA! Oooooooh! Sway vinyls and single! Ooooohhhhh! Oooooooooh! *fangurl*

Step 1:
Locate spider. Collect camera and ruler. Take picture of spider. Be sure to use a bright flash and irritate spider, causing it to run around in a scary way.

Step 2:
Be annoyed that the spider has now moved to an un-catchable-from position. Take more photos of it.

Step 3:
Take more photos of spider (irritating it further) until it moves fully onto a flat surface (the ceiling).

Step 4:
Take a tupperware container and place over spider. Move tupperware container around on ceiling until spider moves onto tupperware surface. Slide tupperware lid across ceiling and over tupperware opening. Be sure to use the tupperware container that you broke earlier today, seeing as you wont be using it ever again anyway.
(No pictures, are you fucking insane? My life was in danger.)

Step 5:
Stand there looking at spider within tupperware container for a while wondering whether that creepy sound is being made by the spider. Realise that the creepy sound is being made by the actual spider. Freak out and put tupperware container on bench. Take a photo of it. Laugh at how the spider can’t decide if it wants to be on the floor or lid.

Step 6.
Shriek in horror as spider’s creepy leg finds the hole that you made earlier in the evening.

Step 7.
Stand there taking photos while convincing yourself that there is no way that massive spider could fit through that hole.

Step 8.
Realise that maybe the spider can fit through the hole. Freak out a little bit. Keep standing there doing nothing, taking photos.

Step 9.
Stand there freaking out as spider completely pulls self through hole in lid. Take one last blurry photo before finally jumping into action.

Step 10.
Quickly empty the crackers from the biggest tupperware container you can find and place over the top of escaped, highly irritated spider.

Step 11.
Move larger tupperware container around, while freaking out, until spider walks onto larger tupperware container’s surface. Scream like a small child a few times, then flip over both tupperware containers, remove smaller one and securely attach lid to larger container. Take a picture. Point and laugh at spider.

Step 12.
Take sealed tupperware container outside, remove lid and throw container and lid at a bush (evil looking bushes preferred). Dance around shaking your arms and legs. Grieve the loss of a perfectly good tupperware container that you will never touch again. Take a photo.

Step 13.
Go and eat the crackers taken from sacrificed tupperware container.

After 2 hours of running around after sheep we did finally manage to get them all (minus alpacas and Coco) into the small pen, and only 15 minutes after the shearer arrived

Before

During

Coco was jealous that she couldn't be shorn too

After

Princess is the one at the back

Princess is the one in the middle

He said Princess’s back leg is like … dead or something, he said even the wool around her back end felt dead And it’s pretty impossible to tell if she’s actually finding it easier without the wool yet because they all act like the world has come to an end after being shorn

Me: “Oh, Ambrose has locked himself outside again!”
*goes to let Ambrose in*
Me: “Ewww, WTF, something smells absolutely revolting, what IS that??”
My dad: “You “
Me: “I’m serious! Don’t you smell that?” *gag*
My dad: “Yes actually, something smells like shit I think.”
Me: ” OMG AMBROSE, WHY ARE YOU BROWN! YOU SHOULD NOT BE BROWN!!!!”
My dad: ” “
Me: “HOW/WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO FIND THE MOST REVOLTINGLY SMELLING SHIT IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE AND THEN COVER YOURSELF IN IT?”
*gives Ambrose a bath even though he would generally rather chew off his left leg than have a bath*
*gags several times while doing so*
*but also cackles wildly throughout at how much Ambrose hates baths, seeing as it’s his OWN STUPID FAULT he is getting one*

FIGURE 1: I accidentally didn't have the flash on for the first picture, but I edited it so you can see how it clearly demonstrates the posture/facial expression Ambrose exhibited for the entire duration of his bath. That of "I'm so sorry Bianca! I won't do it again! Please! I PROMISE I wont do it again! Just PLEASE stop wetting me! :tears:!!!"

FIGURE 2: As you can see here, after he realised what was going on with the camera he attempted to drop the wimp persona so as not to let his online fans down.

Random fact of the day: It’s not such a brilliant idea to fall asleep while looking at Natalie Dee comics. Weird dreams will surely ensue.

At this point I would post 40 Natalie Dee comics, but I’ve already done than in the Aussie thread before so I’d better not … well, okay, maybe just the one then:

  
Hmm. Well, as my artistic knowledge/interest spreads so amazingly far, I guess I’ll just have to post some of the only other semi-artistic (and I obviously use the word “semi-artistic” quite loosely) thing I am interested in. I would be pretty shocked if you haven’t heard of PostSecret, but do you obsessively save them all onto your computer every week? No? What are you – like … normal or something? Hmm, well, let me share some of my fantastic “Favourite PostSecrets” collection then!

I dunno, do you sense some slight tendancy towards the funny ones?
(Sorry for the spam-blog. Won’t happen again)

P.S. I don’t know if you noticed, but I changed the layout a bit

I know it’s hard to believe that anything worthwhile could happen at 7am in the morning. But take it from me  – it so can! Kooks Kooks Kooks Kooks, we are seeing The Kooks. Tegan and Tanya are nothing short of brilliant. That is all.

Well, it was all, until I went to the Royal Show. What a Royal waste of money that place is. And for some reason uni cards and health care cards are not counted as concession. Bastards. But it was well worth it to meet Elliot Spencer. *cough* Again. But this time the line was at least half people over the age of 15. Awesome.

We (and by “we” I mean “my friend, because I am incapable of speaking coherently”) commented on his wearing-of-a-jumper-when-it-was-freaking-hot-today, and he explained that this was because he didn’t want to blind everyone with his pasty white arms *insert showing us his pasty white arms* (they really were quite pasty white), and then something about his arms being too muscly for the tent to stand or something, I can’t remember, but it was quite funny at the time. When I asked for a photo he said something like “Sure, but I’m going to talk through this in it”. Genius. Just, genius.

After that we went into the ABC trailer to co-host some Rollercoaster with none-other-than Elliot Spencer himself (Or his pre-recorded self, with us blue screened in). Like the complete retard that I am, I basically just stood there laughing for the entire video. It’s fantastically funny and eternally embarrassing. So naturally I’m attempting to upload it to youtube at the moment, but youtube hates me, so we’ll just see how that goes. For now, here’s a picture of me infront of the blue screen:

EDIT: I present – my video!

The rest of the show was … well … the show. It’s the same every year, isnt it? :naughty: Here are some random pictures:

I have nothing interesting to say. But my lack of updates (especially compared to Bec’s) is annoying me, so here’s an extended MQ-intro

Today I had an anatomy exam, and it went pretty good I guess. I got my anatomy written exam back, and I got a HD (that’s 80%! *pbs*). I also got my physiology written exam back, and I got 40% But I have holidays for a week now! So who cares! Yay!

This morning I went and paid for Costa Rica. I did the getting-cash-out-and-going-to-the-Commonwealth-bank-and-giving-it-to-them method because it’s the only thing that clears immediately, and I didn’t want to spend extra money. There’s nothing like emptying all your bank accounts on a Friday morning *pbs*

In other news, the Byron Bay Festival (where I was originally going to go to see the Kooks before they released any concert dates) has been cancelled and instead shifted to a new festival in Brisbane. Due to there being less of the bands I already wanted to see at Byron Bay at the Brisbane festival, and someone living in Brisbane who I hate who will so totally find out about it and want to meet up with me (not JJL :lmfao:), and the fact I was already considering it because concerts are better than festivals, I have pretty much decided I’m going to only stay in Sydney for the 5th-7th and then fly to Melbourne to go to the Kooks concert on the 8th, and then spend an un-specified amount of time in Melbourne before flying home. *pbs*

Oh, and my dad and Margaret found a car and got a loan and she will get the car on Thursday (and I will get her car then).

That is all :naughty:

EDIT: Here’s Luke singing a new song *FG*

La la la la laaaa. I am seeing the Kooks.
I couldn’t care less that I have to get up at 5.30 tomorrow, or that I have not got enough money to go to Costa Rica.
Because I am seeing the Kooks. Not just in festival, but in concert too.
As if they could release a concert date in Sydney for the very day I am due to land there and my money problems would not sort themselves out. This is clearly a sign that I am meant to go to Costa Rica and I am meant to experience the Kooks first hand afterwards. Obviously.
Now I just need to find a credit card that I can use…

In other news, you should check out Petra’s videos from the Apple store gig. I don’t think better fan (or any) videos exist than these. These are amazing, fantastic, perfect. Less than a metre away! *faints*

Am I the only one who hates that you have no idea if your code is going to turn into a smiley or not? Especially on a certain someone’s blog. That sends me nuts. Anyway, after much whining, I found a list (yes, it was hard work .. I had to type “wordpress smilies” into google). These should work in commenting any wordpress blogs I think :das: (Damn, I wish WordPress had a das smiley).

:? :x (the line in this last one is the two lines on the same key as the \, it took me ages to find)

(Hover over the smilies to see the codes btw)
(I hate how my layout puts boxes around them in the blogs, it looks stupid )
(Also, it turns out you need to have a space on either side of the smiley for it to work, just so you know)

No not Beyonce, Biance.

Why is my default username/login always Biance, you ask? Well, it’s quite an amazing story actually. One that I am usually far too lazy to tell. But I shall share it with you lucky people here today.

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Bianca who was roughly 14 or 15 or so. She was pretty obsessed with Harry Potter and one day her dad found out that there was some kind of Harry Potter train going on in the holidays. It was a steam train going from Armadale to Pinjarra and back (quite annoying seeing as we live quite near Pinjarra) and it looked like the Hogwarts Express and had fun Harry Potter activities and such, all with ever-so-subtle deviations from their inspiration to avoid copyright (ie. it was called the Wizard’s Express, muggles were bwibbles, etc etc). Brilliant!

So Bianca and her friends Eliza and Leah decided to go on this magical journey (accompanied by Bianca’s dad, because under 16’s needed a guardian), fully decked out in their wizard attire. However, roughly 2.021 seconds after stepping aboard the Wizard’s Express, the three teenagers realised their horrific mistake. The Wizard’s Express was aimed at 5 year olds, and the oldest passengers other than themselves were around 9.

They still had a pretty fantastic time, because, well, it was a Harry Potter train, come on. Even though the staff were embarassingly closer to their age that their fellow passengers. Most notably, the organiser of the whole thing, Casimus Jones, who was around 18/19, who did a number of hilarious things in their presence, which the trio have been quoting to each other ever since. Most of which probably wont seem at all funny if I retell them here, so I’ll stick to the point of the story.

Towards the end of the train journey he came around to present all the children with their certificates. First he spelt Eliza’s name Eli2a (although, I think that might be more a case of horrific-handwriting), then he spelt Leah’s name Leigha, to which she outraged and demanded it be re-written as Leah. Casimus tried to explain that “he went to school in Pinjarra” :lmfao: (Oh oops, sorry, here I am with the in-joke quoting anyway), before moving on to Bianca, who he asked to spell out her name just to be sure, which she did … and then he still wrote Biance.

Yes, that’s it. That’s the story.

And here are some pictures for your visual enjoyment:

As you can see by the way the other a is formed, this is no miss-shapen a, it is actually an e.

So so happy we are

And here he is. Probably miss-spelling some other unfortunate soul's name.

And why isn’t my MFC username Biance, you ask? It’s because I’d gathered that it was a community-type forum, and I’d had a previous experience in a forum with a Bianca, and it was just confusing having a Bianca and a Biance (even though it turns out MFC-Bianca is never even there :sneaky2:). And I also just hate when people call me Biance :naughty: