Step 1:
Locate spider. Collect camera and ruler. Take picture of spider. Be sure to use a bright flash and irritate spider, causing it to run around in a scary way.
Step 2:
Be annoyed that the spider has now moved to an un-catchable-from position. Take more photos of it.
Step 3:
Take more photos of spider (irritating it further) until it moves fully onto a flat surface (the ceiling).
Step 4:
Take a tupperware container and place over spider. Move tupperware container around on ceiling until spider moves onto tupperware surface. Slide tupperware lid across ceiling and over tupperware opening. Be sure to use the tupperware container that you broke earlier today, seeing as you wont be using it ever again anyway.
(No pictures, are you fucking insane? My life was in danger.)
Step 5:
Stand there looking at spider within tupperware container for a while wondering whether that creepy sound is being made by the spider. Realise that the creepy sound is being made by the actual spider. Freak out and put tupperware container on bench. Take a photo of it. Laugh at how the spider can’t decide if it wants to be on the floor or lid.
Step 6.
Shriek in horror as spider’s creepy leg finds the hole that you made earlier in the evening.
Step 7.
Stand there taking photos while convincing yourself that there is no way that massive spider could fit through that hole.
Step 8.
Realise that maybe the spider can fit through the hole. Freak out a little bit. Keep standing there doing nothing, taking photos.
Step 9.
Stand there freaking out as spider completely pulls self through hole in lid. Take one last blurry photo before finally jumping into action.
Step 10.
Quickly empty the crackers from the biggest tupperware container you can find and place over the top of escaped, highly irritated spider.
Step 11.
Move larger tupperware container around, while freaking out, until spider walks onto larger tupperware container’s surface. Scream like a small child a few times, then flip over both tupperware containers, remove smaller one and securely attach lid to larger container. Take a picture. Point and laugh at spider.
Step 12.
Take sealed tupperware container outside, remove lid and throw container and lid at a bush (evil looking bushes preferred). Dance around shaking your arms and legs. Grieve the loss of a perfectly good tupperware container that you will never touch again. Take a photo.
Step 13.
Go and eat the crackers taken from sacrificed tupperware container.
